I went to the clinic today and I felt old. It was so saddening to see so many young people there. Most were just teenagers. I didn't see anyone older than me. Shocking.

And none of them appeared to be gay. Trust me, I can tell.

It perhaps goes to show that STIs are a bigger problem for young, heterosexuals rather than us gays.

When I went in to see the Consultant and nurse, the nurse said: "Cheer up. It can’t be that bad!” Then I told her. It was that bad.

I had my blood taken and was expecting the result today. I had the last result the same day. But I didn’t see the Counsellor. I suspect that is why they told me to come back tomorrow. If your circumstances look bad, I think that they make you see the Counsellor in case you go and do something stupid.

I have so much admiration for nurses who chose to work in such places. What could motivate you to do that? To give people life changing news on a regular basis? I don’t know. But I am in gratitude to the nurse that I saw. She was so nice.

I have seen two different Consultants there in the past and both seemed to be judgmental. Perhaps it’s just the way Drs are? I dunno. Neither seemed to speak English that well. And it all just seemed so clinical and cold. The nurses I have seen have been warm, comforting and close. The Consultants have seemed uninterested, daunting and distant. Like I was a subject, rather than a human being.

So, I have to wait until tomorrow now. I’ve gone from convincing myself that I don’t have it, to thinking that I do.

Tomorrow I will some indication. But the final ‘all clear’ wont be until the end of December / start of January. But the chances are, if I have it then I will find out tomorrow. At 4 pm.