I cried and cried last night. I’m a strong, resilient bloke. I’m masculine and robust, but I broke down. I’m normally so ‘logical’, but I think the emotional confusion meant that crying was the only response. LOL I am a human being after all and not a descendant of the Vulcan race (and please don’t think I am an Anorak Trekkie either).
I’ve looked at so much at all the information on the internet. I have a first class degree and I am actually a Senior Manager in the NHS (I didn’t really want to admit that before). But the complexity of the condition baffles me. It is actually hard to get understandable information with definitive answers.
How long will you live for? What are the side effects? What does the treatment regime entail?
It seems that it is all very personal and specific to the individual. Can James expect to live a normal life expectancy?
I had an email from a friend, Chris, this morning who broke some more concerning news. He had what he thought was mumps a while back, which wasn’t mumps after all. He has been having muscle aches and generally feeling under the weather. He went to hospital last week after his speech become slurred and his face went numb. He had a brain scan yesterday and gets the results tomorrow.
I’m getting paranoid that everyone around me is catching it. I know that Chris has personal issues about being sexual with anyone. In fact, I think that he is pretty much a virgin in that sense. So, I know deep down that he is not at risk of being positive. But my heart just sank lower when I got his email. I hope that he is going to be ok. I couldn’t take 2 diagnosis’s in one week- whether it is 2 cases of HIV or 1 involving a brain tumour or something.
When you are a teenager you feel invincible. Perhaps as age comes I am learning that this is far from the truth and we have to value everything we have and every moment we have.
I must sound like an overly negative person and I am not. I am looking forward to having the best Christmas ever because I know, for once in my life, I wont be taking anything from granted and I will milk life for every opportunity and every bit of happiness that it can provide.